Wallow in Guilt
by Lidsworth
Summary: When Iruka ends his relationship with Kakashi, the jounin is in turmoil. Enter Yamato, who has loved Kakashi since he first met him, and now with Iruka gone, he can make his move. But, as the man he loves crumbles before him, he decided to confront Iruka on his choice to end it with Kakashi. Review please!


"Why did you do it?" Yamato asked silently as he stood in the doorway of Iruka's room. His hand rested on the door frame, yet his chakra flowed through the walls with malicious strength. The image of his Senpai, the man he love, crumbled on the floor crying his heart out pained Yamato endlessly.

Iruka's sudden decision to end everything the two had been through together, to end his relationship with Hatake had practically destroyed the Copy-nin, and Yamato had been one of the few to witness it.

When Iruka didn't answer and continued to show his back to Yamato, the ANBU captain's hand crushed the old wooden door frame, and a surge of chakra electrified through the walls causing the small structure to shake.

There was a silence, a painful silence, but Yamato pressed on.

"What did Kakashi not have that he couldn't offer you? Why did you suddenly start to distance yourself from him, Iruka? Why did you have to...why did you have to break his heart?" Yamato asked, and by now he was shaking with sadness and rage. That image, Kakashi's trembling figure kept on popping up in Yamato's head.

The fact that the man Yamato loved, the man he couldn't have, practically shut down before him...It upset him to no end.

Iruka spoke.

"Things happened," Yamato's eyes widened at Iruka's sudden and vague response.

"What the hell does that mean? Were you seeing someone else, was Kakashi not good enough, did you not love him? What kind of things happened!?" he pressed on, his voice raising to a dangerous level.

"Terrible things," Iruka responded sadly, "very terrible things."

It was night, so the only source of light was the moon. As Iruka kept his lights off.

Slowly, the chunin turned around, and was now facing the ANBU captain.

Suddenly, the demeanor in the room changed. No longer was Yamato radiating dangerous chakra, now the feeling of fear and despair upon seeing Iruka's face had replaced any anger directed towards the man.

The moonlight illuminated his decaying features.

His eyes were gaunt, his skin was lighter than usual, and his once dark hair was now turning a sickening shade of brown.

"This is why I've been away from Kakashi," he began, now averting his eyes from Yamato and looking down at his feet, "I didn't have the strength to tell him...tell him that I was sick_That i've been sick..."

"You look.."

"Terrible?" Iruka added, and with some dark sense of humor, he chuckled.

Yamato gulped and nodded, he wasn't used to seeing the vibrant and cheery Iruka like this. It seemed that death had a permanent hold on him.

"I've been straining my chakra to keep up an appearance for people around me. I've already told my students that I won't be teaching anymore. And Tsunade's already told me the seems that i've only got a few weeks, a month at the most.." Iruka said plainly, and his eyes reflected a sort of hollowness, "and when you leave, my only request is that you don't tell Kakashi, or Naruto, or anyone at that matter...i'd rather have Kakashi be angry with me than sad, same with Naruto. I know that hurting Kakashi hurt a little bit of him"

Yamato looked surprised, but he managed"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Kakashi will vent to you, other than me, you're the closest to him. And with Kakashi so broken, you'll be taking over team seven for a while I suppose. You'll be closer to Naruto, so don't let anything slip," Iruka paused and then looked back at Yamato, "and more importantly, because you love Kakashi, I know you do." A trace of jealousy ignited in the dark eyes, but disappeared just as quickly.

Yamato wanted to respond differently, he wanting to put a dying man's fears to rest, he wanted to tell Iruka that it wasn't true, because suddenly he felt guilty.

Very guilty.

"Don't doubt it and don't lie to yourself, when I wasn't there for Kakashi...I know for a fact he went to you. You know him from the inside and out...Don't be sad and don't feel guilty, okay? So," Iruka walked towards Yamato and took his hand, "as I show you out, can you take on the task?"

Yamato, partially petrified and partially saddened nodded as he was lead out by the chunin. As if a certain memory flew into Iruka's head, though despair clung to him like leaves to a tree, he managed to pull or smile.

A real genuine smile.

"Oh, and remember, Kakashi loves lavender and Naruto is obsessed with ramen. And, despite her name, Sakura likes tulips, the blue kind," Yamato put on a fake smile and nodded as the door closed, obviously, he was feeling less happier than his face showed.

And, that was the last time he saw Iruka.

OOOOO

The funeral was over, but the entire assembly was bitter. Apparently, Iruka was "killed", and Kakashi acted as if he could care less. Naruto cared for both Kakashi and Iruka, and was one to witness Kakashi's broken state when Iruka left Kakashi, so his feelings were a mix confusion and sadness. But nevertheless, when they buried the body, Naruto spilled his heart out.

His students were there too, former and current. They cried as well.

All the while, those who were involved with Iruka and his relationship with Kakashi (excluding Naruto and the other students) remained stoic and silent. Kakashi hadn't shed a tear, and Yamato watched with a mild satisfaction. Not towards Kakashi's refusal to show any emotion towards Iruka's death, no, towards Iruka's plan that went so well.

In the end, everyone else left, and Kakashi shared a kiss with Yamato before leaving.

The ANBU captain was left there alone, staring at the marble stone that showcased the grave of Iruka Umino.

The secret was driving Yamato insane, but he was one to keep his word. Even if he shielded certain people from certain things, terrible things.

In a way, Yamato convinced himself that Kakashi would always belong to Iruka and vice versa, and that despite his love for the Jounin, he didn't deserve him. But iruka thought he did, and Iruka wasn't stupid. Telling the truth, breaking his promise to Iruka could help heal a lot of people. It could ease the pain of many.

But, Yamato made a promise to a dying man. Kakashi would never find out, never.

**I know that was short and probably very passive, but It was at the spur of the moment. Kakashi won't find out, and I don't plan to write a sequel :D Anyway, I hoped you like this. I don't own Naruto and never will, anyway, have a nice week, and God bless. **


End file.
